Monday, December 25, 2006

Food Addict My Story


Hi, I’m RaVae, a food addict.

Please look over the questions below to see if you are a food addict like me. If you say yes to three or more of the questions, then you are probably like me and the good news is you’re not alone. When I began 19 years ago, the answer to every one of the questions for me was yes!

Do you have more than an occasional episode of binge eating?
Yes, i binged all the time. The only time i did not binge was when i was sleeping then I dreamed about it.
Do you eat when you’re not physically hungry?
Physically hungry i don't think i have ever been really, really hungry in my life, but I alway felt like I was starving
Do you feel disgusted with yourself and/or guilt and shame after binging?
Disgusted every night when i went to sleep I prayed to not wake up.
Do you generally feel depressed?

Yes, i was either on the ceiling or in the toilet.
Do you isolate to eat?
Boy, did I, I considered me, myself and I a party of three.
Do you frequently attempt to lose weight and fail?
I tried every diet i ever hear of.
Do you eat large amounts of food throughout the day?
I could eat and eat and eat and eat, the eat some more.
Do you eat much more rapidly than others?
i even had people comment on how fast i ate.
Do you continue eating when stuffed?
Feeling stuffed just meant go lay down tell you can eat more.


At any given time, over a million people are on a diet or starting one. I used to be included in that million, but my diets did not last long. My best diet efforts only lasted until I reached my goal weight. For the last 19 years, I have not been on even one ‘die-----it’ now I’m on a live----it,’ a new way of living.

During my compulsive eating days, I tried everything. You name it; I tried it, spending thousands of dollars along the way. That’s why I’m writing this, in hopes that my 52-year journey (33 years in the food and 19 years out of the food) can help others avoid many of the mistakes I made. I feel that being in the food for 33 years and now having just past my 19th anniversary out of the food makes me somewhat of an expert. Here I will share with you some of the many of the truths I have learned that have made it possible for me to stay out of the food for the past 19 years or 6,935 days. (Keep in mind it all started with one day.) If you keep reading, maybe your life can become a “live-----it,” too . . . What I have learned over the last 19 years is how to take my life back, that’s not quite true, I’ve learned how to get a life! My obsession with food started so early, and I believe that it denied me a “real” life until after I started my food journey 19 years ago.

A little about me

As far back as my memories go (I‘m 52 so that’s a lot of memories), it
seems like I have always been obsessed with food, especially sugar. I have just one strong, foodless memory. I was walking with a girlfriend on a railroad track when I was about seven, and there were no food thoughts, just a carefree, happy feeling that should be associated with being with my best friend. But most, if not all of my other memories have food thoughts “sandwiched” in there somewhere.

When I was eight I was in Girl Scouts. My favorite part of Girl Scouts was the yearly cookie sale. I would stuff myself until I was sick and then I would eat some more. That’s one thing that separates me from normal eaters; when they get full, they stop. For me, getting full is a trigger to eat more. Most people say they have a favorite Girl Scout cookie, but which ever one I was stuffing myself with at the moment was my favorite.

My daughter was in Girl Scouts also, and one year I was a drop off point for the cookies (What was I thinking? I’m sure the food addict inside me was pondering all the fun she was going to have persuading me to eat all those cookies). When it came time to return them and pay for what was sold, I was over $100.00 short. I didn’t think I had eaten that many, but my memories get a little hazy when it comes to food amounts.

My holiday season pig out started a month before Halloween and lasted until after Easter. I can remember many Halloweens when all my good candy was gone by the day after. Now if you’re like me, you have no doubt what I mean by the good candy; visions of it are dancing through your head at this exact moment. Many, if not all of you, not only have the picture, but you’re obsessing over the taste of those favorites also. If that is the case my web site just might be able to help you. I have been away from the sweets for so long now that I can remember most of the foods that loved me too much but I can no longer remember the taste. But, one bite and it would all be back! What I’m doing right now by sharing with you is insurance against that first bite which would take me back into food hell.

Going to restaurants, especially with others, used to be so embarrassing. I was always done way before everyone else, even when I tried to eat slowly. Sometimes others would even make comments about how fast I ate. They would say things like, "Are you done already?” or “Boy, you eat fast!” It would make me feel such shame. But I really did not have the power to eat slowly.
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When I was in high school I dieted constantly, I never felt like I belonged, I was forever fighting to stay out of the food jumping from one crazy diet to another. I was so out of step, so lost. I think of high school as a song, one that everyone but me knew backwards and forwards. For me, if I knew the tune, I didn’t know the words and if I knew the words, I didn’t know the tune, It would have been easier for me, if I had not known the tune or the words then I would not have been aware of how out of step I was. I would go home after school and dive into the food. I would eat things like cake mix, mixed with only water, squirting anything sweet I could find down my throat. I was the biggest cookie monster. I would make cookies and start eating the batter, when it only consisted of butter and sugar. I would have to make a double batch in order to have any to bake. Then I would eat most of those before they even cooled.

The more full I became, the more I wanted to eat. I was involved in a never-ending search for the magic food that would fill the empty spot inside me. I could never get enough. I would eat until I was sick, then pass out and wake up and eat some more. I’ve never in my whole life tasted anything that was too rich for me; I could always eat tons of anything.

I think it would have been easier to be an alcoholic, than a food addict. With alcohol, to get sober you just take all the booze out of your house and don’t touch it anymore. Now, I know it’s not really that easy but at least I wouldn’t have to take the tiger out of the cage three times a day and pray it won’t bite me. With the food I can’t just quit eating, people have to eat. At every meal, I use to feel I was playing with a tiger and pleading with it not to take off my hand. I have too many memories of setting on my couch after finishing a box or bag of XXXX (you add your favorite) crying, wanting to stop eating but knowing I was going to eat anyway and there was nothing I could do about it.

Drive-thru places were a favorite of the food addict part of me. I would go there and order enough food for a party. Of course, I had to order extra drinks so they wouldn’t know I was the only one attending the party. Then I would sit in my car crying and eating the food with the wrappers all around me (some kind of party, huh?) My car would get so cruddy from all the food. I remember being anxious whenever I had to stick my hands down between the seats for fear of what I would find. Needless to say, the car was a pigsty.

I knew that food played an important role in my life. I was even willing to admit that many times it was number one and often controlled me. I remember one of my last binges, maybe my last, like I said earlier my memory around food is oftentimes hazy. I was taking a class at the local college. I weighed over 200 lbs at the time, and was getting ready to take the 20-minute drive home. I was hungry. I was always hungry, and needed a little something to tide me over until I could get home for lunch so I decided to buy a large two scoop ice cream cone (the thought of a single never entered my mind. That only lasted for the first third of the drive. Then I stopped at another fast food place and ordered a burger, fries and a “diet pop.” Now, how I thought diet pop was going to help, I don’t know. While I was waiting for it to be prepared, which seemed like an eternity, I went next door to the little grocery store and purchased a couple of candy bars to help me make it until my meal was done. At this point, my memory became hazy as it often did during binges, so I don’t remember if I ate more or not.

From about the ages of 13 to 33, when I started my food recovery, all my waking and many of my sleeping hours were spent in a life threatening battle between primarily two thoughts: one is how to get food, and the other how to stay away from it. For me, one was just as dangerous as the other because both blocked out what life is really about, which is those I love.



Now join me as I share about my recovery


One of the first things I had to come to terms with was that most, if not all, of what I was doing with my food was not working. My food life was unmanageable. Food was controlling me; it was my master. Later I came to know that most of my life, not just the food, was not being managed very well.

In the beginning of my journey, I thought I was fighting myself, and I had to stop myself from wanting to eat everything that was not locked away. Then I realized that I was not fighting myself, but my food addict. I really wanted to eat healthy and be a normal size and not spend every waking hour thinking of food. I was letting my addict rob me of everything that "could" have been precious to me... my health, my family and my life.


At first, I even felt sorry for her because , I thought, she felt she would die if she did not eat, eat, and eat. Then I started wondering why I was feeling sorry for my addict (which I choose to call her) when what she wanted was for me to suffer and ultimately die. Believe me, if I had continued the way I was, that’s what would have happened.
,
When I was in the food, I was like the ball in the pinball machine, but I did not realize it until I was out of the food. I really was exactly like that ball, which does not have a life and neither did I. I was being controlled and at the whim of whatever was going on around me, just like that ball is at the mercy of the “pinball wizard.” I never acted on anything; all I did was re-act to things. During that time I thought I had a life, but in hindsight, I see I was just being propelled by whatever was going on in my life. This wasn’t any way to live. I feel like I’m one of the lucky ones since through trial and error, I found the way out. If you’ll let me, maybe I can help you skip some of the trial and error and benefit from what I have learned over the last 19 years.

This is what my life looked like at that time. I would diet, get smaller, and go buy new clothes (but the only time the clothes would fit was when I was in the dressing room). Two minutes after I left the dressing room, I would be on my way back up and the clothes would not fit anymore. (I would keep the clothes for a few months anticipating weight loss, then finally give the like-new clothes to a second had store. Now I shop at second hand stores buying those nearly new clothes I used to give away.

One day a friend of mine (who was doing the “WW” weight program) and I were in the faculty room when someone came in eating a candy bar (one of my favorite kinds). Little did I know until later that day that we had both in our own ways interacted with that candy bar. When I saw her at the end of the day, she said,” I have thought of nothing but that candy bar every since I saw it this morning.” I thought to myself, “I haven’t.” This is what I did, that she evidently didn’t do: as soon as I saw the candy bar my mind immediately started running a tape of how many candy bars I would have to eat to be satisfied, remembering one is too many and a million is never enough. One of the tools I use to keep from feeling denied or sorry for what I don’t choose to eat anymore is to keep a lot of videos filed away in my brain containing skits of what my life used to be like when I was in the food. One of my favorite videos is a semi-truck pulling up with millions of candy bars in it with my name emblazed on the side because, as I said before, one is too many and a million is never enough. This is the tape I ran when I saw that person with one of my favorite candy bars.

One spring, a few years into my food recovery journey, it seemed like every single person in town had planted twice as many flowers as ever before. It was one of the most breathtaking sites! I went around all that spring just amazed at how beautiful my world was becoming. Up until this moment I had been so into the food that all this was hidden from me. I hadn’t been able to see the forest for the trees because of the food. Just maybe, I can help you see the flowers in your town.

As I said earlier I am 52 and so excited about the next 50 years of my life. I plan on living to at least 100. This is from a person who felt she had to lie about her age from 33 to 39 because she was scared of getting old. My recovery journey has given me a life and a body that I could only have dreamed of, one that I don’t mind getting older with.


I’d be ashamed to tell you how many hundreds of dollars I’ve spent on weight loss programs that did not work for me. I’m not here to put down these programs since they work for many of my slightly over weight friends (Oh, how I hated them) who put on an extra 10 to 15 lbs over the years, but for food addicts like me, they just don’t work.

My journey has not been a quick fix, but I feel like I have won the jackpot lottery and it just might be a forever fix. It’s pretty simple but by no way easy. I had to be willing to make recovery a priority in my life in order to be where I am now.
Food addicts are some of the most intelligent people I have ever known. I believe that the same gene that brings addiction also has something to do with genius. We just have to find the balance.


Hope my journey and what I have learned benefits you.


RaVae

Monday, December 11, 2006

**Serving #1 Finding "My Truth"

Thin and Serene: A Way of Life

Finding "My Truth"

My Experience, Strength and Hope serving #1

One of the first things I learned on my journey towards becoming a Thin and Serene me was, that not everything I hear or read is "My Truth". Being it's my recovery it's my job to determine what is my "Truth" and what is not "My Truth". Before my recovery journey, I believed almost everything I heard or read was "My Truth", especially if it was the newest diet fad.

What I have learned now is; when I hear about something new it's my job to chew on it for a while before deciding if it's my "Truth". After chewing on it for a time, I have a choice I can either swallow it or spit it out.

In the beginning this concept felt very foreign to me. What gave me the right to determine what was right for me. I certainly did not feel like the expert. It was a lot easier to let society, well meaning friends, books, commercials, ect. decide what was my "Truth".

As I started developing this part of "My Truth o Meter", I find I do know what's best for me. Listed below are some"My Truths". Maybe some of them are "Your Truths" too, maybe not. Feel free to chew on them for a few minutes to find out.

-Food is never the answer. The food addict part of me had me believing food was the only answer. There were times when my addict had me truly believing that if I did not continue eating tell I was sick I would die.

-There's always another meal coming. Before recovery the part of me that innately knew there is another meal coming was broken, In my addict infested mind every meal was my last.

-It's impossible to have just another bite today and remain a Thin and Serene me tomorrow. My addict had me brainwashed into thinking I could have just one bit and then quit. It did not matter how many times I proved it wrong, two seconds later it would have me believing it again.

-It's OK for me to waste food. I have two choices I can either waste food on my waist and get bigger and bigger or I can waste food in the garbage. In the beginning of my journey I had a trick I use to play on my addict with pepper. When I was finishing dinner, especially at a restaurant, and I would have that second when my body would say I'm full: I would pick up the pepper unscrew the lid and dump it on rest of my food before my addict could make me finish it. I know this sounds drastic but my drastic disease led me to drastic measures.

-With some foods one is to many and a million is not enough. For me there are four kinds of foods: foods that I don't like, ..............foods that are OK, .............foods that I love........... and foods that I love that love me back. It's the food that I love that love me back where One is too many and a million is not enough. In early recovery I had to be willing to rid my house of all the food that I loved that loved my back. Again another drastic measure for my deadly disease. ps....I did find the longer I stayed away from the foods that I loved that love me back the more I began to love the food that use to be just OK. Now three of my favorite foods are okra, butternut squash, and zuccinni, who would have ever thought.
Possible Activity1: Make a list of as many foods as you can think of and put them in the above catagories. Rid your house of the food that you love that love you back. Then sit back and relax and see what happens to your list of just OK foods. Maybe, just maybe you will begin to love some of them like I did.

Thanks for letting me share your journey toward becoming a Thin and Serene you.

Possible Activity 2: Make a list of at least 10 of your "Truths". It's important to exercise our "Truth O Meters". Keep in mind that what feels like your "Truth" today could change tomorrow. Especially in the beginning when we're just learning to determine what is YOUR "Truth".

Having fun in recovery,
Ravae
ps If you find one of my Experience, Strength and Hope is not your "Truth", don't forget to just spit it out.

Questions and Comments contact
ravae11@comcast.net

Saturday, December 09, 2006

week 1 The Lists: Yellow, Red.Green and NO MATTER WHAT

In this section of my Thin and Serene: A Way of Life program, you will be making three lists: a Yellow List,

a NO MATTER WHAT Red List

and a Green List.

The Yellow List, the caution list, will be very long and have on it anything that you can think of that keeps you from being Thin and Serene around food.

The No Matter What Red List will start out very short. I call it the No Matter What List and whatever you put on that list you will not eat for at least 24 hours No Matter What.

The Green is the teaching list. On this list will be things that will contribute to the making of a Thin and Serene you.

Make your Yellow List first, putting on it any items or situations that might get in the way of your accomplishing becoming Thin and Serene for life. The following is a copy of my first Yellow List to give you some ideas of the types of things that can be on this list. When you make your own list, feel free to use or not use as many of mine as you choose.

No sugar +++(for me, sugar needs to be fifth on the ingredient label before I can eat the item without it triggering my addiction)
No honey+++
No crackers++
No nuts+
No white flour++
No snacking between meals
No eating before 6 AM++
Not eating after 7 PM++
No Pizza places+
No Taco places+
No Buffets++
No Eating in the car+
No Eating standing up+
No Eating at movies+
No Eating at work functions++
No bread+++
No peanut butter++
No chips ++
No fried foods++
No Eating between meals++
No Eating while fixing food +
No Eating while cleaning up+
(in the beginning I had to chew sugarless gum to accomplish the last two)

This list is usually very long and can be added to as you realize other foods and situations that stand between you and being Thin and Serene. Now that you are finished with your Yellow List, go back and put pluses beside your items.

I have done this to my list as an example: three +++ for the big items, two ++ for the medium ones and one + for the smaller ones.

You’ll notice that I put +++ next to sugar. That’s because it is my number one “drug” .of choice. I say drug intentionally because when I eat sugar all hell…………o breaks loose. All I had to or would have to do is take one bite of sugar and I would be gone for months, if not forever. And I would weigh over 300 pound within six months.



The following is how you could set up your yellow list.




My YELLOW List - Week One
1. _________________________________

2. _________________________________

3. _________________________________

4. _________________________________

5. _________________________________

6. _________________________________

7. _________________________________


8. _________________________________

9. _________________________________

10. _________________________________

11. _________________________________

12. _________________________________

13. _________________________________

14. _________________________________

15. _________________________________


*Fill in as many or as few as you need. You can always add more later



The No Matter What Red list

Now for your Red List. The Red List is what I call the “No Matter What” list. Whatever you put on your Red List, you’re not going to do, just for today, No Matter What. This list needs to be kept very short. In the beginning, my No Matter What Red List had only sugar on it.






My RED List - Week One
1. ____________________________

2. ____________________________

3. ____________________________


© For your first week select 1 +++ item or two or three ++ or + items from your Yellow List to put on your No Matter What Red List. Remember you only need to let go of these foods or situations for a day or 24 hours.

© If you select an item that later in the day you feel you are not ready to give up yet, that’s fine, you may choose another item. But you have to wait until the next morning before you decide. Changes can only be made before noon.

In my experience, I’m stronger in the morning and it’s easier for me to decipher between what I want to do and what my food addict wants me to do. As the day goes on, my addict wrestles the control from me especially early on in my recovery journey. This concept of waiting until morning to make a decision has helped me acquire over 6,935 days (or 19 years) of abstaining from sugar and it all started with just one day. Now, I know many of you are saying no way could I do that! Well, that’s exactly what I said the minute before I let go of sugar for the first day.

© Don’t be afraid to choose a three +++ item, you can always change it in the morning, if it really is too much for you.

© If you chose to give up a large item, like I did with sugar, it’s good to have a “safety net” (by a “safety net” I mean something that can take the place of what you are letting go of) When I let go of sugar, my “safety net” was artificial sweeteners. Eventually I let go of sweeteners, too, but I allowed myself a good year of using them, sometimes with abandon in order to keep out of the sugar. We will talk more about “safety nets” when I explain how the use the Yellow List.

© Day count. Your No Matter What Red List is where you will get your day count like my over 6,935 days off sugar. Each day you accomplish what you have on your No Matter What Red List is another day count. This count needs to accumulate back to back (b2b). What I mean by this is; each day you accomplish what you have on your No Matter What Red List will be one day count, but if you have say three days of day count then eat or do something on you No Matter What Red List you will need to start your day count over.

.

Before I began my journey, I really felt that if I did not eat whatever my brain was telling me to eat I would die. I’m somewhat embarrassed to even admit, Now I know it was not me; but my disease/addict commanding me to believe I could not live without whatever she wanted me to eat.






The Green List

The Green List is the teaching list. On this list will be things that will contribute to the making of a Thin and Serene you. This list will be made by me for you.




Your GREEN List - Week One

On the Green List will be items that you will add, contributing to the making of a Thin and Serene you.

1. Drink an eight-ounce glass of water ten to fifteen minutes before each meal. The reason for this is two fold; one, it takes approximately fifteen minutes for your stomach to start feeling full. Most of us being fast eaters, we can devour a lot of food before realizing we are full. Thus, the water will aid us in accomplishing a fuller feeling as we begin our meal. The other reason is that it’s difficult for our bodies to tell the difference between hunger and thirst. Therefore, it’s important to keep hydrated. (It makes me wonder how often in the past I ate when what my body really wanted was water.)

2, Suggested food plan
Breakfast-
4 ounces protein
8 ounces fruit
Optional small serving starchy carb.(Be real careful here.

Many of us food addicts have a strong intolerance to starchy
carbs. Examples of starchy carbs are bread,
rice, potatoes, pasta, cereal, ect.)


Lunch-
5 ounces protein
8 ounces vegetables
1 ounce fat
8 ounces fruit
Optional small serving starchy carb (I can’t eat any starchy carbs.
and live a Thin and Serene Way of Life.)

Dinner- 5 ounces protein
8 ounces vegetables
1.5 ounces fat
8 ounces fruit




3. For lunch and dinner each day, you need to eat exactly eight ounces of vegetables. Your addict respects exactness and is less likely to interfere if you keep your weighing exact. This is also why I recommended you getting a digital scale in the Before You Get Started Part. (Peas, corn, potatoes, and yams may not be used for the eight ounces)

4. You need to have at least four hours between your meals. This also needs to be exact, not three hours and 59 minutes. As I mentioned above, our addicts respect exactness. This boundary will also help you build a strong abstaining muscle. (Even now I sometimes find myself stand in front of my microwave clock waiting for eating time.)

5. Start thinking about how becoming Thin and Serene: will primarily be an inside job

Activity: Here are some positive thought to start saying to yourself. I needed to say these thing hundreds of times a day.

-I love my vegetables.
-Vegetable are my favorite foods.
-I love the foods that are good for my body.
-I alway feel full after my Thin and Serene meals. (If you are not full after your meal keep saying this affirmation until you feel full!!)

Activity
Make a collage of all the new foods that you and your body "could' start loving. (The more I visualize things the more they become my "truth" and my reality.)

- I am stonger that my disease/addict.
-I am a good person becoming a great person.
-I always make the right food choices.


This is the way the Lists will work:

The Red List

Your Red List is the No Matter What List......... And No Matter What, for any given twenty-four hours, you will not eat what you have put on your No Matter What Red List. Remember, changes to the No Matter What Red List can be made, but only before noon. This is because your addict’s a late sleeper and doesn’t usually do mornings. Remember, your No Matter What Red List is where your day count comes from.

The Yellow List

Your Yellow List has more than one use. On serene days you “could” stay away from all the items and situations on this list as well as Your No Matter What Red List, which will aid you in achieving faster weight loss.

Some days will be less than serene. On these days you “could’ use some of your Yellow list items as the “safety net”, I spoke of earlier, to stay away from your No Matter What Red List.

Calendar and Stars
Now get yourself a calendar and put your calendar in a place where you can see it on a daily basis

Any day that you stay away to both your No Matter What Red List and your Yellow List and followed a food plan will be a three star day.

A two star day would be a day you avoided your No Matter What Red List but needed to use some of your Yellow List items as a “safety net”.

Any other type of day would be a one star which is considered a good day. Keep in mind every day gets at least one star. (The reason for this will be discussed in depth in Week five.)



No Matter What
The most import positive affirmation I can give you is this: “I KEEP MY FOOD IN ONE POCKET AND MY LIFE IN THE OTHER, AND I DON‘T MIX”. This is especially true for your No Matter What Red List foods. Keep them down at the bottom of the pocket so NO MATTER WHAT they won’t even see your life, let alone get anywhere near it.

With positive thoughts and abstinence everything is possible! The more your No Matter What Red List grows, the Stronger your abstinence becomes; the more the sky’s the limit for your new way of life. Most days I feel like I’m floating above the ground. I’m getting chills right now even writing this because the life I’m living is beyond anything I could have dreamed for myself.

I’m fifty-two now and plan on living to at least a hundred. This is from someone who lied about her age from thirty-three to thirty-nine because she was afraid of getting older. I started my Thin and Serene: A New Way of Life journey on July 8, l987 and that’s the exact moment everything started changing for the better.

Activity:
Make two pockets a food and a life pocket. Label one Food and the other Life and display them where you can see them daily. Write all you No Matter What Red List foods on slips of paper and put them in the food pocket. You “could” put the food pocket in the kitchen and the life pocket in another room, illustrating the I DON”T MIX part. \
Ps. My suggestion is for you to stay on week one until you have accomplished putting together seven b2b abstinent days staying away from everything on you No Matter What Red List.

.

You could write this on a poster and hang it where you can see it daily.

I KEEP MY FOOD
IN ONE POCKET,

MY LIFE
IN THE OTHER
AND
I DON'T MIX

Friday, December 08, 2006

Week 2 The Lists and My Disease

Thin and Serene: A Way of Life Week Two

The Lists and

My Disease



My Yellow List - Week Two
Rewrite your Yellow List adding any new items that “could” interfere with your journey.


1. _______________________

2,_______________________

3. _______________________

4. _______________________

5. _______________________

6. ______________________

7. ______________________

8. ________________________

9. _______________________

10. ______________________

11. ____________________

12. ______________________

13. _____________________

14. _____________________

15. _______________________

16. _______________________

17. _______________________

18. _______________________









My No Matter What Red List - Week 2

1. ________________________


2. __________________________

3. _________________________


4. __________________________

© It’s time to take another item or two from your Yellow List and transfer it to your No Matter What Red List. This list will still be very short. At this time you “could” have up to four items but no more.


© Some of your options are: If you started out with a +++ item like sugar was for me, you might want to add only one + plus item(s) this week.

© f you started out with two ++ items, you might be ready for a ++ item or a +++ one.

© Remember you can always change an item if you decide you are not ready to let it go yet as long as you wait until morning, when you’re stronger and making the decision and not your addict.

© Again the most important positive affirmation I can give I KEEP MY FOOD IN ONE POCKET; MY LIFE IN THE OTHER AND THEY DON‘T MIX.” This is especially true for your No Matter What Red List foods. Keep them down at the bottom of your pocket so they can't see your life......let alone get mixed up in it. Be sure to put any new No Matter What Red List foods on slips of paper and put them in the food pocket.

© Here's the more information on the scales and weighing yourself that I promised earlier. Your scales can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Just remember, your addict sometimes takes up residence in your scales, especially on days that aren’t the 1st or 15th of the month.

At one point I had to have my husband hide my scales and only bring it out on the 1st and the 15th, which were my agreed upon weigh days................. Believe me, I know, weighing on days other than the 1st or the 15th does not contribute to the making of a Thin and Serene you........................Therefore, I strongly encourage you to only weigh on the 1st and 15th.


My Green List - Week Two

Some of the Green List items will stay the same; others will change or increase. You will need to read it over carefully to see what adjustments, if any, have been made each week.

1. Drink an eight ounce glass of water ten to fifteen minutes before each meal. Just a reminder that the reason for this is two-fold; one, it takes approximately fifteen minutes for your stomach to start feeling full. Most of us being fast eaters, we can devour a lot of food before realizing we are full. Thus the water will aid us in accomplishing a fuller feeling as we begin our meal. The other reason is, it’s difficult for our bodies to tell the difference between hunger and thirst. Therefore, it’s important to keep hydrated. .

2, For lunch each day, you need to eat exactly eight ounces of vegetables. Our addicts respects exact things and is less likely to interfere. Again, peas, corn, potatoes, and yams may not be used for any of your measured vegetables.

3. For dinner you need to increase your vegetables to twelve exact ounces. The more exact you keep this measurement, the more your addict will respect you and you will respect yourself. If you have not yet invested in a digital food scale, I again invite you to purchase one. If you have invested in a digital scale, pat yourself on the back because you are putting yourself first. (More on patting yourself on the back in Week Nine)

4. Suggested food plan
Breakfast- 4 ounces protein
8 ounces fruit
Optional small serving carb.(If you’re having trouble getting
day count, you might want to avoid starchy carbs.)


Lunch- 5 ounces protein
8 ounces vegetables
1 ounce fat
8 ounces fruit
Optional small serving carb (Again I can’t eat any starchy carbs.
and live a Thin and Serene Way of Life.


Dinner- 5 ounces protein
12 ounces vegetables
1.5 ounces fat
8 ounces fruit

5. You need to have at least four hours between your meals. This also needs to be exact, not three hours and 59 minutes. As I mentioned above, our addicts respect exactness. This boundary will also help you build a strong abstaining muscle.


6. More thinking about how becoming Thin and Serene starts on the inside.

This weeks positive affirmation.

-I love water and herbal teas.

-When I want to eat and it's not time I'm really only thirsty.

-I only weigh myself on the 1st and 15th of the month.




Now Let's Talk About Your Disease:

In the beginning of my journey, I thought I was fighting myself; that I had to stop myself from wanting to eat anything and everything that was not locked away. Then I learned it was not me that I was fighting, but my disease/food addict. I really wanted to eat healthfully, be a normal size and not spend every waking hour thinking of food. I was letting her (my disease/addict) rob me of that which should have been most precious to me, my health, my family (especially my grandbabies) and my life.

At first I even felt sorry for my addict's thinking she would die if she did not eat, eat, and eat. Then I started wondering why I was feeling sorry for my addict when what she really wanted was for me to suffer and suffer and suffer and ultimately die. Had I continued on the path of destruction I was on, that’s exactly what would have happened.

In the beginning of my journey, I didn’t take my food addict or disease seriously enough. Just in case you don’t take your addict or disease serious enough.

I’m going to give your addict a few minutes to talk with you….



I AM YOUR DISEASEI hate recovery.
I hate support groups. I hate anyone who has a Program.
To all that come in contact with me, I wish you suffering and death.

Allow me to introduce myself.
I am the disease of food addiction.
I am cunning, baffling and powerful. That's me!
I've killed millions and enjoyed doing it.
I love to catch you by surprise.
I love pretending I'm your friend and lover.
I've given you comfort. Wasn't I there when you were lonely?

When you wanted to die, didn't you call on me?
I love to make you hurt. I love to make you cry.
Better yet, I love it when I make you so numb you can't hurt and you can't cry. You feel nothing at all.
I give you instant gratification.
All I ask in return is long-term suffering.
I've always been there for you.

When things were going right, you invited me back.
You said you didn't deserve to be happy.
I agreed with you.
Together we were able to destroy your life.

People don't take me seriously.
They take strokes seriously.
They take heart attacks seriously.
Even diabetes, they take seriously.
Yet, without my help, these things wouldn't be possible.

I'm such a hated disease, yet I don't come uninvited.
You choose to have me.
Many have chosen me instead of love and peace.
When you settle for mere existence, I thrive and grow more powerful
every day but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
when you work to feel fully alive, I weaken.

I hate all of you who have recovery.
Your Program, your support groups and your persistence weakens me.
I can't function in the manner I'm accustomed to.
When you have recovery, I must lie here quietly,
but I’m always here waiting for you.
Until we meet again,
I wish you Continued suffering and death.
Sincerely,
Your disease


Activity: My suggestion would be to copy this letter from your disease and put it somewhere where you can read it at least once a day.


I will never be “normal” in my relationship with food, all I have is a daily reprieve conditional on my staying out of my No Matter What Red List foods. And it”s imperative that I remember as I enjoy a more “normal” relationship with food, it’s only a gift dependent on my avoiding any and all my No Matter What Red List foods. Furthermore, I believe my disease is busy doing “push up’s“, just waiting for me to eat even one No Matter What Red List food so she can destroy my life.


Activity 8
Write a letter back to you disease/addict. Keep in mind as you write your letter that your addict wants you suffering and if possible dead! Keep a copy to refer to when you think food is the answer
.




My
Disease/addict
Wants Me
Dead