8

Week Eight

The Lists and

Being a Victim






















My Yellow list
Rewrite your shortened Yellow List. You do not have to fill in all the spaces.
1. ______________________________
2. ______________________________
3. ______________________________
4 _______________________________
5,_______________________________
6. ______________________________
7._______________________________
8._______________________________
9._______________________________







© Again your Yellow List needs to be used only when absolutely necessary. Be sure YOU are making the choices when using your Yellow List and not your addict/disease. Using your Yellow List only when absolutely necessary will help make your abstinent muscle stronger.











My No Matter What Red List - Week Eight

1. _____________________________ 7. ____________________________
2. _____________________________ 8. ____________________________
3. _____________________________ 9. ____________________________
4. _____________________________ 10. ___________________________
5. _____________________________ 11. ___________________________
6. _____________________________ 12. __________________________
© When a life circumstance crops up, don’t forget to write it down and slip it into your life pockets as a reminder that we don’t eat over it because LIFE'S IN ONE POCKET AND FOOD'S IN THE OTHER AND WE DON’T MIX.
© Today is the day. If you aren’t willing to do it today; you probably won’t be willing to do it tomorrow. So ask for the willingness to continue doing it “just for today."
© I know I have another binge in me, but I’m not sure if I have another recovery. Hence, I have given my all “one day at a time” because I don’t want to test the "Do I have another recovery?” theory. Everything… and I mean everything, I’m asking you to do I have done myself and most likely still do.
Considering you kept my program, I’m gong to assume you are willing or at the least want to be ‘willing” to embrace what I’m asking you to do. Whichever component you are struggling with is the very one you need to embrace the most No Matter What "just for today!"
© Weighing your vegetables is the second most important thing next to your No Matter What Red List in your fight against evicting your addict and taking control and accomplishing a Thin and Serene Way of Life. Drastic situations take “consistent” radical measures and I don’t think you would have purchased my program if your situation were not a matter of life and/or death. Eating yourself to death is a slow painful way to go.








Your Green List - Week Eight
Your Green List is the same as last week.
1. Continue to drink your eight ounces of water before each meal.
2. Your lunch vegetables remain twelve exact ounces for this week.
3. Your dinner vegetables remain sixteen exact ounces for this week.
4. Breakfast- 4 ounces protein
8 ounces fruit
Optional small serving carb..
Lunch- 5 ounces protein
12 ounces vegetables
1 ounce fat
8 ounces fruit
Optional small serving carb
Dinner- 5 ounces protein
16 ounces vegetables
1.5 ounces fat
8 ounces fruit

5. You need to continue leaving at least four hours between your meals.
6. Knowing in your “heart” that you are becoming Thin and Serene.
© You may find yourself resisting this No Matter What part. It’s impossible for me to put into words the importance of accepting this part; it is the core foundation as to how I have remained Thin and Serene for over nineteen years. If you want what I have, you are going to have to embrace it. (In order for me to keep my addict/disease from making my food decisions for me and to enjoy complete “freedom” around my food I have chosen to weight everything I eat. I have found that sometimes I have to do “A” to get “Z”.)



Being a Victim No More
In this section, I’m going to share with you many happenings in my life that made certain that I stayed in the victim role (resentments, people-pleasing, my past, my needs and fault-finding, etc.)
Before recovery I was like the ball in the pinball machine that I spoke of earlier,
but I did not realize it until I was out of the food. That ball does not have a life and neither did I. I was controlled by and a victim of whatever pinball wizard was interfering with my life at the time. I never acted on anything, all I did was react to what I perceived others (the pinball wizards) were doing to me. During that time I thought I had a life, but as I look back now, I see I was never 'acting on' just 'reacting to.' This was not any way to live. Again, I’m one of the lucky ones and a victim no more.
There’s nothing I can do to change my past, but with the help of what I have learned in the last nineteen years, I am able to change the ending. I shudder to think of what the ending could have been like if I had not started my trial and error journey nineteen years ago. With the help of my program, you, too, have a chance to change your ending. All it takes is a ton of “willingness” and miles of footwork. Let’s get on with the footwork!
What others think of me is not my business. What others think of me is not my business… What others think of me is not my business…
That saying was paramount in removing me from the victim role. (Now I did have to say it many times a day for over twenty-one days before I began to live it). Remember, twenty-one days makes a habit!
What I’m about to share with you in regard to people-pleasing and worrying about what others think of me has changed my life. Perhaps it will change yours, too.
Of all the people I know, thirty-three percent are going to like me and probably consider me a friend; another thirty-three percent are going to think I’m all right; and the last thirty-three percent are not going to like me, no matter what. My job is to make sure I’m not trying to get that last thirty three percent to like me at the expense of the percent that already do.
Before I read this, that’s exactly what I spent my life doing, trying to figure out what I had done to make a certain person dislike me. Now I know I probably I did nothing wrong. They are just part of the thirty-three percent that aren’t going to like me, no matter what I do. What a relief to know that it’s them, not me; and I can focus all my energy on my friends
After I read this I realized, that for me, it was true. For example, if I meet ten people, three of them I like right off, three of them are all right and three of them, for no good reason, I just don’t like. Now, I can’t change the world in regard to this, but I can change me; whenever I notice I don’t like someone and have no good reason, I work on moving them into the all right category. I don’t do this for them, I do it for me because it takes energy…negative energy to dislike someone especially when it's for no good reason. I only have so much energy and I refuse to waste any of it negatively. Plus, I believe what goes around, comes around.
Resentments
When I have resentments they make me a victim to whomever or whatever I am resentful towards. Before my journey, I used to run tapes through my mind daily of all the people who I felt had wronged me. They were probably happily waltzing on with their lives while I was mentally ruminating over how they wronged me. Not only would the mental tapes not allow me forget, but the replaying of them amplified it to the point that some of the resentment overtook my life. I had a friend who even went a step further by keeping a written file of her resentments.
Our Needs
Now I want to talk about being a victim to our needs, especially when I used to think it was someone else’s job to meet all of mine. What a liberating day it was when I learned that "I’m the only one whose job it is to meet my needs.” Nowadays, others meet my needs, but I also know it’s not their job to do so. In fact, when I quit demanding that they meet my needs, they started meeting them more that ever! But ultimately, it's my job and only my job when it comes to having my needs met. (Oh, it also helps getting my needs met when I am willing to tell others what my needs are.) The ‘What Takes the Place of Food’ section is all about me meeting my needs.
Think back for a moment to the humor section and about how important it is to see the funny side of most situations. I can really visualize the silliness of my before beliefs as I write this section. It’s important to be able to laugh at myself/ourselves. It is very therapeutic.
Another early lesson I learned was that whenever anything goes wrong in my life, no matter what it is, I have to take partial or full ownership (usually much more ownership than I care to admit). Take for example the car wreck I was in recently. Knowing that 'no matter what' at least 1 percent of it was my fault made it impossible for me to be the victim. It has been well over 15 years since I have felt the victim. Being the victim was something I often ate over. Initially, I would whine about why I was always the one who had to say I’m sorry. Being a somewhat selfish person, it made it easier to say I’m sorry when I realized I was only saying sorry for me, so I would not eat over it. Frequently it benefited theother person, but ultimately I wasn't doing it for them.
I used to be a victim even of the weather. The only time of the year I was happy weather-wise was during really warm, early spring days because I felt they were unexpected added bonuses. Warm spring days were wonderful, but I took them for-granted because spring was supposed to be nice. I hated summer because it was often too warm, and I especially despised warm fall days because they were just tricking me because winter was just around the corner.
As I look back now I just shake my head, but that was how my life was. Today I love all kinds of weather. Right now, it’s extremely cold, but for me, it’s beautiful because whenever it gets this cold it’s usually sunny. All I can see is the sunshine. Now I love these kinds of days. Whenever we get days like this, I immediately run out and have my car washed (because it’s so cold even the dirt stays away) and enjoy the sun and how shiny my car looks. I can really see the humor and laugh at myself over the control I used to give even the weather.
When I decided that only I can irritate me, my world started changing. Choosing to believe that it’s someone else’s fault that I’m irritated puts me in the role of the victim, and when I’m in that mode, I have no control over the situation, thus making it impossible for me to move beyond it.
Now when I’m feeling irritated I believe that it’s my problem and no one else’s. In the beginning, it used to bother me, but now It’s totally freeing. If I’m irritated, I can fix it. I don’t have to wait for someone else to quit what they are doing. Now that the blinders are off, I can see how ridiculous my irritation often was. Sometimes my annoyance is connected to another’s actions, but often it’s a direct by-product of my own thinking.
Let me give you an example. The other day while driving home I started thinking about how I was most likely going to walk into a messy house because my husband had the day off. As I was thinking about all this I felt myself becoming irritated. The recovery bell rang inside my head and said, “You're making yourself feel irritated." The voice of reason continued to tell me, "You may not have a choice about whether or not the house is messy, but you do have a choice as to whether you let it get to you or not." When I got home I was in a happy mood and the kitchen being a little messy did not bother me at all and I went on to have a very nice evening. Now if I had walked into the house irritated, unless the kitchen was spotless, I would have let it ruin my whole evening.
In the beginning of my journey, there were times when fearful feelings coupled with loneliness and emptiness were so overwhelming they would momentarily paralyze me and send me running toward the fridge. For me, when that panic set in, all my good intentions would go out the window.
I have found the solution to fear. My experience is that the answer varies depending upon the situation. Sometimes I need to be alone to gather strength especially when all the noise is distracting to me. While at other times, the sound of people helps with me deal with my anxiety. Sometimes I need to sleep or read so I can escape. This momentary respite helps me gain the strength to go on for another day. At other times, I need to connect with another food addict to share experience, strength and hope, reminding me that I’m not alone.
Someone said to me once, “Fear” stands for Face Everything And Recover or False Evidence Appearing Real. Therefore, when I feel “fearful” I have two choices. I can either face it and recover or realize it's just false evidence appearing real.
In summary, I am the only one who can make myself a victim. The only way someone else can do so is for me to allow it. Removing myself from the victim role is for the most part a mental endeavor. I had to change the way I think. To recap here is a list of some of positive modifications I have made:
© Letting go of changing my past
© Making sure that I’m acting on stressors rather than reacting to them;
I want to be The Pinball Wizard.
© Knowing that “What others think of me is not my business."
What matters is what I think of me.
© Realizing that I can’t please everyone no matter what I do,
so I concentrate on those who are pleased just by "me" being “me."
© Only disliking people if I a have valid reasons
© Focusing on creating positive as opposed to negative energy
© Knowing that resentments only hurt me
© Understanding that it’s ultimately my job to meet my own needs
© Being willing to say I’m sorry even when the other person is technically at fault
© Realizing that when I feel irritated, its my problem, and I have
the power to change it.
© If all else fails, I take a nap.
Activity
Write 400 to 500 words about how you put yourself in the victim role.
Coaching note: send the paper to me.
I have found that the longer my food is in order, the more No Matter What Red List days I have; and the more exact I am with my food weighing, the easier it is to alter my inner self.































What Others
Think Of Me
Is Not
My Business
Fear is:
False
Evidence
Appearing
Real
Fear is:
Face
Everything
And
Recover
I’m the
Pinball
Wizard!